torsdag, maj 01, 2008

After the Rain

Beautiful Cherry flowers in a big bunch!
Can you see the little insect to the left?
Psst! You can click on the pictures. Then they will enlarged =)

Soon the Wood Anemones has blossomed over.

Today I haven't done too much I honestly can say. It has been raining most of the day and now at about 8.30 pm it stopped at last.
I just had to go out for a walk round my house again because the cherry trees look so lovely in the evening light.

My days are otherwise filled with "taking care" of Bertil and his “needs”.
I’ve to see that he takes the right medicine in the morning and evening (he’s very forgetful because of the illness).
I also have to see that the taxi that’s picking him up for his trip to Lund every weekday for his radiation treatment is ordered and that they comes in the right time, which they unfortunately not does most of the time.
One day the taxi driver was 20 minutes to late and drove like a maniac according to Bertil.
The drivers also have one or two other persons in car before they catch up Bertil , and sometimes they also picks up people on the way.
The thing is that Bertil actually has permission from the radiation unit to be an “alone rider”, but the people at the central where I order the taxi either has some kind of plugs in their ears or perhaps they are deaf. Perhaps I have to ask them the next time I order the taxi and they have done wrong.
The thing is that I have to order the taxi almost day by day, because he only gets new appointments for two or three days at the same time, and sometimes they have changed the appointment times he already has got.
This is very frustrating, but I can understand that they have to do like this.
Other people that get radiation can be sick or needs another appointment of other reasons.
Everyone that gets radiation has free taxi back and forth to their homes, and that I’m very thankful over. Otherwise I had to drive Bertil to Lund every day for six weeks, and that I don’t think I would have had the strength to do.
I need some time by my own nowadays because my dear husband can be very trying these days, and that’s understandable, but very exhausting in the long term for me.
It’s very much talking about sickness, his medicines, how he feels today, how he felt yesterday, why he’s not able to do number two because he’s constipated (förstoppad) by all the medicines he’s taking or can it maybe be something else? And so on, and so on.
Sometimes I’m so tired in my head that I would like to scream in pure desperation:
“Please, please be quiet!”


2 kommentarer:

Judy sa...

Oh what a tough time for you all! I am so sorry that you and Bertil are having to endure this!
I appreciate your honesty...perhaps by writing this in your blog you can keep from being angry with Bertil when he is having these questions.
Your pictures are lovely! Your wood anemones have lasted a long time. I suppose because your weather is cool.


Eva Hagbjärn sa...

Thank you Judy for your comment!

I think that’s well known that if you sit down and write about things you have on your mind it feels better afterwards.
Perhaps the blog isn’t the right place to do so, but if I can help someone else that’s in the same situation as I am, the end justifies the means, so to speak.

Everything has an end and I hope that all this will have a happy ending eventually. I have to hope and think like that, otherwise I’m breaking my self down to a level that’s hard to crawl up from.
You have to be optimistic, not pessimistic, and you have to see forward and think positive thoughts all the time. That’s not easy but if you always think negative and about things that have happened long time ago you will end up as a negative, nagging and retrogressive (bakåtsträvande) person.
I know, because I live with a person who’s like that.
Bertil has always looked back on things that has happened long time ago and can get angry with people that have been unfair or fatheaded against him years ago. I’ve tried to explain to him that they don’t care if he’s angry at them, they have already forgotten what they have said or done. He only feels bad him self. “That’s back then, and now is now!”
It’s the same if he has had bad luck with things he has bought or things he has done and it has gone wrong somehow. He never forgets and he takes it up over and over again, and that’s not good for your soul or your well being, and not for me either for that matter who have to hear it all the time. I use to "lock" my ears and then I agree when he's finished repine himself :-/

Kram Eva