lördag, november 20, 2010

Bored, bored, bored...

That sounded very negative, but that's how I feel right now. Every day seems to be the same at the moment.
Making breakfast, reading the morning paper, do the washing-up, make the beds, remind Bertil to take all his medicine, answer all his questions about the medicine, what they are good for, how do they work. (Same questions and answers every day). Why do I take this pill, and this one, and this one...
Same, same and same over and over again! On top of it all it has been snowing all day long today! I hate when the snow comes this early in the wintertime. Hopefully it will be gone until tomorrow morning because I haven't got the winter tyres on my car yet.

Bertil is in a new five days (cycle - 23 days without cytostatic and five whit) of cytostatic so he's not feeling 100% at the moment. He feels nauseous, dizzy and is tired early in the morning during these cycles, and sadly it seems that it gets worse and worse for every new cycle. Poor guy, and here I'm complaining of being bored. Sigh!
The thing is, I think, that I feel that life is running away from me. Hard to explain, but it fells like our lives are in a stage of waiting. Waiting for something that we don't know what it is. Well we do know that we are going to move to a new home after New Year, but what will come after that.
For how long is Bertil able to go on with his medication. Is there a limit, and if there is, when has he reached that limit?
Only time can give us the answer to all these questions, and this "time" that we do not know anything about, is corrosive for one's mental health. Nerve-wracking and close to impossible to take into your mind. It's plainly an unreal situation and feeling. Sometimes it feels like I'm "going in to the wall", and are not able to take any more.
Then a new day is breaking through, and that day comes and goes like the days before that, and so on, and so on...

Hugs Eva!

2 kommentarer:

christine brightside sa...

sending you a big HUG!

Hope that Bertil is getting well to a 100% soon.

Eva Hagbjärn sa...

Thank you Christine! Hope you and your parents are in good health.

Kram Eva